Merry Christmas...Damn It!

I am officially saying Merry Christmas to everyone I see. I am done with "Happy Holidays!" It rolls off the tongue more easily now because it's been beaten into my brain since high school that Merry Christmas is offensive, not inclusive and not p.c.

But screw it! I am no longer living my life by the creed of what 2% of the population thinks. Real people say Merry Christmas, or Happy Hannakah or Happy Kwanza. They don't diminish the significance of this time of year with the generic, "Happy Holidays!"

I feel my sentiment is recognized by millions out there, and you will see in the next few years, Christmas make a come-back. Hannakuh will make a come-back. Kwanza will be even better known.

So, Merry Effing Christmas!

The Chuck-La

It's 10:20 a.m., and I just polished off the second half of my amazing burger from last night. The burger just a few of us in Austin call the Chuck-La.

I'm not sure where the 'La' came in, but the Chuck part is short for the Ground Chuck Burger from Hyde Park Grill.

Oh.My! It's damn good. I actually don't even like Hyde Park Grill that much, but when you sit up at the bar and sink into a juicy burger and crispy fries that are surely laced with opium, you begin to love the place.

Eating Chuck-Las, exploring the hill country and crashing Christmas parties is how I spend my time between semesters. It ain't bad. Ain't bad.at.all.

Getting Intimate with Austin...Again

A long, long time ago, in a parallel universe far, far away before organic chemistry destroyed my social life...I knew Austin. I knew her well.

I even wrote a blog post listing out the first half of all my favorite things about Austin. Unfortunately, I never got to my promised second half of that posting. But, I'm glad for that. Truth is, there are more than two halves of why I love Austin. There are too many interesting places, people and activities to boil down into just two blog posts. Like a distant wife whose interest in romance has dwindled, I had little time or energy reserves for romancing Austin. But, now I'm back. Back to love and play in Austin....for at least one more month before spring semester.

Here are some Austin past times I took part in this weekend:

Enjoying creative personalities and talented artists who architect their own homes in edgy, genuine, fun shack infested East Austin. Here is just one hazy picture of the house I had dinner in on Saturday night. It shows the large sliding glass wall that opens up into the kitchen:


Crashing Olivia's Christmas Party. Olivia is a new restaurant on South First, and their Christmas party was at Momo's downtown. Black Joe Lewis was the entertainment. My friend and I were the some of the only people dancing. What is it with white people?! Black Joe Lewis captures the essence of James Brown, Marvin Gaye and later day Van Morrison. Is it possible to stand still while you watch them? Absolutely not!


Now, here is a picture of something I normally do every Sunday, but didn't get time to this past weekend. Below, witness a picture from the best Mexican breakfast in town. Or, easily the best in my part of Austin, Hyde Park - Julio's. Notice how mangled and curly the bacon looks. It's that crispy. Best bacon in town and anywhere.




So, a sampling of why I love Austin. Some extra gems from the weekend that were not photographed were:

• Walking by the Shipe Park tennis courts in Hyde Park to see doubles being played by 4 old hippies in ripped off jean shorts, shirtless and playing with wooden rackets avec long white beards and sweat bands.
• Sipping coffee at Quack's Bakery listening to two old friends catch up over music and bands in town. "Guess who is back together?" asked the one man, to which is friend replied with joy, "No! Not the Ass Monkeys?!"

There you have it....Keeping Austin Weird!

The Last Days of Organic Chemistry

Orgo Chem, I knew thee well.
Oh, how you made my life a living hell.
But alas I study for my last big test,
And to you, farewell, I wish you all the best.

For some other co-ed, you will torture and mame
They may drop out of pre-med, their life not the same.
Twenty years later they will look back with hate,
Oh, organic chem, how you twist people's fate.

It's a bummer, you know, this ochem of lore.
If you're doing it well, you must be a bore.
A nerd or a freak with a "beautiful mind,"
For the rest of us real folk, a pain in the rear-hind.

But, you'll haunt me no more, as I defeat the Alkenes,
the Alkynes and bonds, the rings of Benzenes.
I am done with you now, as I shred my last note,
The fat lady had sung, and that's all she wrote!

Margaret & Helen

I want to thank my very talented writer friend Meredith Hight for introducing me to this blog: Margaret and Helen.

You'll have to just check it out for yourself.

Orgo Chem! How I Love Thee Again!

Organic Chemistry and I have a love/hate relationship. One minute I am lamenting the class, and the next I am skipping down the street singing Stevie Wonder's "You Are the Sunshine of My Life."

I got an 80 on my exam. I know that doesn't seem like much to many of you. But an 80 on an exam that the class averaged a 70 on is not bad. And, I really should have gotten an 87, but I made 7 stupid, one point, mistakes that I will never do again.

I actually like the material and the challenge, but I am really ready to get my hands dirty in biology and human anatomy. Stuff that is tangeable and more applicable to my future career.

Two more exams to go. Can I eek out a B in this class?

The New Do!

I chopped my hair off two weeks ago. It was about 3 and half inches past my shoulders, and I had partially grown it that long to give away to Locks of Love or some other wig making service for patients. However, when I first went to the hairdresser to consult about chopping my hair off, we agreed on chin length, which would not have been enough to give away.

YET, when I went into actually get the hairs cut, she went way higher, and it was a waste of hair on the floor around me that went straight to the trash (you have to cut a full pony tail in order to give away.) Alas, here it is anyway. It's been a nice change.

MD vs. PA vs. NP

Everyone always asks me, "what is the difference between MD and PA, and also what is the difference between PA and NP?"

Here is a fantastic video explaining the differences. Essentially, being a PA, you have patients, treat, diagnose, prescribe with a physician working in the same practice to supervise if ever needed. Also, as a PA, you can change specialties as you like, allowing you to learn more medicine and move around for more experiences.

Roll tape:

I Called Do Over!

This has been a big week. Three major things happened. Barack Obama was elected President Elect of the United States, I decided to pursue Physician Assistant instead of MD and I chopped my hair off.

Wait...rewind! Yes, I have made a final, final, no turning back decision. I am pursuing being a Physician Assistant instead of a MD. The truth is, it's not really because of the work load. It's more because my personality identifies more so with PAs than MDs. My main goal is to do patient care. Not to fulfill some ego trip of being called Doctor. Yes, it has a nice ring to it, but I just want to help people, and the sooner I can do that the better. There are more options today than even 20 years ago on what you can do in health care to make a major difference. And, personally, I am a woman and I want children. It's doable as a MD, but there is far more work involved. Not that I didn't know all of this before. I knew it well. But, visiting a couple of medical schools with PA programs last week taught me some valuable lessons. And, I walked away saying, "I will always wonder 'what if?'" The grass is always greener and you can have regrets until the cows come home and milk the chickens. But, in the end, all we want to be is happy and in love. We don't need glory or validation. We just need to add our touch to leaving the world a better place.

And....then I cut all of my hair off. Actually, I hadn't planned on such a major change, but change happened regardless. Kind of like life, no?

I wouldn't change the story of my life so far for anything. But, there are times I do not look back on happily. I do have regrets. I don't dwell on them now, but they do exist. I hopefully will learn from them.

My dad used to say, "no regrets, no excuses." I think it's an admirable motto to live by, albeit, sometimes unrealistic. The idea of the statement is that if you make no excuses for yourself, you will have no regrets. In essence, it's truth. But, in the messy human world, it's something to which you can aspire.

I still have a hard road ahead, but I am truly happy with my decision, and I actually feel a little lighter because of it. I don't have a regret, and I don't foresee a regret. For the first time, in many months, even years, I feel informed and decisive. I am going to be a PA, and a great PA at that. And, I just don't care what anyone else might think of that.

So there.

Like Understanding How Fax Machines Work

Organic Chemistry sucks! I like the material, but hate the tests....because I do poorly.

Please, tell me, why do I need to know the flow of electrons when my patient asks me why his poop is yellow?

An Honorable Speech

I am so proud of John McCain for his speech last night. It was very clear that the last year of hard work and sacrifice, which came to an unexpected close for him, weighed heavily.

But, the John McCain we saw last night, was the John McCain I used to love and respect. Eight years ago, it was John McCain for whom I wanted to cast my vote. That was until the derisive conservative right undermined his campaign and his family. A truly low-blow and a shameful moment in American politics.

But, fast forward to 2008, and the same conservatives who destroyed McCain are the ones who helped shape his campaign this year. And the pick of Sarah Palin (a choice he did not make with full confidence), who stirred more devisions through her speeches and less unity among Americans, was a real disappointment. A spade is a spade is a spade, and it was clear that McCain 2008 was not McCain of even 2000 and certainly not the McCain who valiantly fought for our country and brutally suffered and endured years of torture for its freedom.

Thank you John McCain for your service and your continued service. Be true to yourself from here on out.

We Did It!

For almost six months now, I have felt tense about this election. Worried, that a country that elected George W. Bush to two terms, would make a horrible mistake once again, and deny the highest post in the world to the most deserving candidate.

Four years ago, when John Kerry lost the presidential election and Bush entered the office for another four years, I felt sad for our country. I felt consumed by mediocrity and the fact that our place in the world would surely fall a few notches. It did. And, most in part, because the rest of the world, and Americans themselves, look to our leaders to set the tone for quality, organization, inspiration and movement upward. Unfortunately, Bush brought a sense of banality to the presidential office and a rogue disregard for outside opinion and thoughtful consideration of what ails the world.

Last night, I never felt more proud to say, "I am an American!" The dream of what America stands for is not a "fairytale" as President Clinton said about Obama. The dream of America is alive and kicking. It's a dream come true in our next president, Barrack Hussein Obama. I just love the way that sounds. So, diverse, colorful and tolerant.

And behind the dream there is substance. President-elect Obama is intelligent, thoughtful and reasonable. He has a history of surrounding himself with conservative, liberals and independents so that he can get a full perspective of the issues. What a breath of fresh air we breath today.

Not everything will be perfect. We have quite the mess of things at home and abroad. But, one of the great qualities of the president of the United States is that when done well, he or she can inspire the nation and the world to work toward success. Because he can't do it alone.

My biggest take away from President-elect Obama's speech in Chicago's Grant Park (named for the Union Army General Ulysses S. Grant who fought for the end of slavery - how poignant) last night was this: he needs our help. He needs the American people to give back. I've been thinking for some time that I would join the National Health Services Corp after I achieve my degree in medicine. Last night's speech made it all that more important to do this. And, if not the NHSC, I have also thought of enlisting in one of the armed forces to help pay for my schooling. In the end, I would owe 3 -4 years of service. I couldn't feel more ready to accept that honor.

Thank you Obama for working so hard to realize this dream for America and the world. It couldn't have happened anywhere else but the U.S.A!

Texas Frightens Me Sometimes

Ahhh...another beautiful morning in Austin. Crisp - a little more humid than I'd hope, but cooler nonetheless. Just had a delicious bowl of Barbara's Shredded Vanilla Almond flavored Oats with blueberries, some OJ and now plopped down on the couch sipping Brazillian coffee. My dog Mattie is curled up on the floor next to me. All seems right with the world. Until...

I turn on the local news to find that somehow, legally, Austin police will draw your blood down at the pokie if you refuse to take a breath-a-lizer test when pulled over. Comma-say-wha?

I know what you're thinking. Drinking and Driving is a horrible thing that sometimes ends up in tragedy. I agree. However, you don't live in Texas.

In Texas, it's the longarm of the law that rules.




And, in Austin, I've watched over the last six years the presence of police increase at least two-fold, which has only made me feel less safe. Furthermore, Austin police love to pull people over. It's sport down here. I've personally been pulled over half-a-dozen times for nothing, and even sometimes fabricated incidents. 95 percent of my friends have had to take the driving test after being pulled - some deserved - most not. This driving test is intended to keep driving misdemeanors off your record and is coincidentally offered via video or at the Comedy Club. Yes, it is a joke.

This is why I am scared about the Police having the legal capacity to force a blood draw down at the station if you refuse a breath-a-lizer on the street. When I first moved here, a lawyer friend of mine specifically instructed me never to agree to a breath-a-lizer when pulled over in Texas. I didn't think much of it at the time, but soon enough, I got pulled over, and fortunately did not have to refuse anything...however, I find his first words to me as a new Texan alarming. Welcome to Texas.

Many cops will ask you to do it, and in the past, you had the right to say no with little to no reprecautions (if you seemed reasonably sober, or even actually sober.) But, as my lawyer friend told me, the breath-a-lizer tests are sometimes faulty and if you take one and it takes a false reading, it would go on your record permanently, land you in jail and possibly ruin your career. But, to think now you would be forced to take a blood test.

My fear is that our Police in Austin - the ones who are out pulling people over on the side of the road - seem a little power hungry to begin with. The idea that they have absolute law to take you "downtown" and draw blood seems barbaric and very un-American.

I'm curious to see what the reaction of other people in Austin will be. In the mean time, I'll be driving like a grandma.

Super Saturation to Super Caffeination

I'd taken a leave from the blog because I reached my political saturation point. I was the sugar at the bottom of a Dunkin' Donuts coffee cup.

It's been a good escape from the U.S. political scene. Nine days in counting until Election Day. What's meant to be, will be.

In the meantime, I've bombed my first Organic Chemistry exam, but pulling fantastic grades in Physics. Who would have thunk it?!

Fall is settling in on Austin....THANK GOD! I've already started to think of ways I can leave Austin next summer and study somewhere else for 5 months. I love this city, don't get me wrong. I also love Texas. Partly because of it's strong culture (it's no joke - people really do wear 10-gallon hats, boots and drive large, frightening vehicles that I secretly love), but also because of it's legacy in our current political environment. I like being a part of the bigger movement. Even if it's tinged with shame.

However, by the end of May last year, we had already surpassed our typical number of days over 100 degrees. It was like wearing polyester to a sauna. I would look at mother's with small children and wonder if they kept them inside on summer days. I am sure some neurons melted together to form the part of my brain that won't except understanding Lewis structures.

Alas, those are distant memories and the cool north winds breeze upon us this morning.

Yesterday at my volunteer job, walking through the halls of the Emergency room, I got a great rush. I just love being there. Sometimes the acrid smells get to me, but the staff and the feeling of being around people you can help is pretty darn cool.

The other night I had a fantastic dream. I was an intern in a hospital donning a lab coat and scrubs. I forgot, however, my shoes! Luckily, in my dream world, there was a shoe kiosk near one of the floor desks. It was like the cloak room in elementary school where you would leave your stuff to change into more appropriate stuff. This meant that all that was left in the kiosk were high heels and funny slippers. I looked into one of the heels and saw that they were Easy Spirits.

What's meant to be, will be.

Were We All Watching the Same Debate?

Time Magazine's Mike Halperin (The Page), gives McCain an A- and Obama a B+.

Halperin must have actually been playing that "Joe the Plumber" debate drinking game I talked about in my last post. Nothing short of inebriation or a frontal lobotomy could explain those grades.

Makes me wonder how I did in my first Organic Chemistry exam last night. Here's hoping my professor has an intact frontal lobe and no beer in the fridge.

Ain't No Rubber Match

In last night's debate showdown that reminded me of a Dating Game split screen:

Moderator: "Obama likes long walks on the beach, John. What are your favorite ways to romance your man?"

John McCain: (rolls his eyes) "Well, where I come from, long walks on the beach are for sissies..heh, heh, heh."

Obama: (grin of confidence) "Let's just get one thing straight. John is about as romantic as a couch pillow, and this is just a fact."

Obama, in my view, had his best debate and best performance to date. He was cool, calm and pointed on his answers.

Meanwhile, McCain was clearly high off the fumes from his sharpie. Did anything he said last night make any sense? Did he even form a complete thought ever?

Just as a side note, I woke up hungover from the debate drinking game we played in which you had to drink every time "Joe the Plumber" was mentioned. Poor Joe...you're either a plumber, or you drink Shlitz six packs. Why can't you just be Joe the Neurosurgeon? I think it's a lesson to all of us....name your child Joe, and prepare for him to come home one day with a mullet, beer gut and a tattoo that says, "Crazy like a Focks" misspelled.

Dumb, Coarse and Also...

Not a lot of people read my blog (thanks fam - shout out to McShizzles on the East and West Coasts). So, what I am about to say really won't come to bear any true influence on how Americans think about this election. However...

It's like we are in a bad, abusive relationship with our government, in which we have been bullied into thinking a Bush-league president is the best we can do. We've been chastised into believing that folksy leadership is normal.

But, here is the hum-dinger coming from Sarah Palin and John McCain. They lie. This isn't a subjective opinion, it's just a fact. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a time machine and the flux-capasiter sent us back to 1983 when tax was a four letter word.



Talking points of Governor Palin this week: "Regan, taxes, hockey mom, can I call ya Joe, gotchya journalism, moose and also..."

The American people should be insulted that a leading official will go out on the campaign trail, spew lies, such as the following:

• "Obama wants to raise taxes on you"...yes, he will raise taxes on anyone making $250,000 or above. Something McCain won't touch because he's completely out-of-touch. However, McCain is planning on giving huge tax breaks to large companies - hello corporate bailout.
• "Obama wants to pal-around with the terrorists"...this one is a particularly sickening statement of such untrue and slandering proportions Palin could technically be sued for libel. She is calling into question Obama's patriotism while masking a lie. No one wants to pal around with terrorists. It's called diplomacy. Diplomacy even Henry Kissinger supports.
  

The McCain-Palin camp has turned up the voltage on low-blow tactics and this next month will get very, very interesting. And, over the last eight years I've finally realized the theme of the R political verbage: Say anything, no matter how true it is because we've bet on the American people not doing any reading or fact checking to figure out we're just slinging mud.

My Blood Pressure is Rising

The current economic crisis and upcoming election have created the perfect storm for my blood pressure. And, as I have said in the past, my B.S. meter goes off right about my big toe. These days, it seems to go off 10 yards away from me.

In the past 20 years of my life, I have learned time and time again that forces of mother nature and forces of human nature are powerful, and bad stuff; really bad stuff can happen.

Come to think of it, my first wake up call came even earlier at the age of 6 when my hamster Ekeem ate his hamster roommate Baskerville. My older brother Matt let me know when I came home from school, and I just didn't believe him - I mean, they were rodent buddies. Matt showed me into my room, and sure enough, there Baskerville lay - a dead, half eaten hamster in its cage.

Fast forward to Black Monday in the late 80s when the stock market crash hit our New York suburban town like an ice cream shortage at a 4 year old's birthday. Wealth was very relative for many of the families in our town, but the overall pall cast that day on New York city and the surrounding areas lasted like a leaded weight on everyone's spirit and confidence for the next couple of years.

But, that day paled in comparison to the bombing of the World Trade Center the first time, which was like a blip on the map to 9-11.

I was in NYC for 9-11, and the culmination of my major and minor life experiences leading up to that day taught me one unforgettable lesson: Don't get too comfortable because life is bound to get dirty and hard, and the timing won't be great either.

This is not to say I don't enjoy every day to the fullest. I actually enjoy every day even more so because of my experiences, good and bad. But, lately, I have riled at the people around me who say, "it won't happen," or "everything is going to be fine." Sure, everything is going to be fine in the grand scheme of the great moving ball we live on, but what about what we can do right now?

This upcoming election is the most important of my life so far, and maybe for my lifetime. So, please keep your thoughts to yourself if you feel the urge to say things like, "Obama doesn't look like a guy I can hang out with," or "Sarah Palin is hot."

Please don't share your opinion if you think that capitalism, right now, will just correct itself on its own, and "what's wrong with a little sacrifice." Or my personal favorite, "I wish we could have the Reagan years back." (Because I might reach out and try to shake the sense into you.)

Nothing is wrong with sacrifice, but the people who are suggesting this to me haven't faced a larger sacrifice in their life other than having to buy single ply toilet paper or skipping out on new shoes this month from Cole Hahn. Note to the readers out there, if you are asking for more sacrifice, you have no idea what it really entails. I challenge you to stop filling up your car for 2 weeks and see how far you get. Because that is what some Americans are having to do right now. And, I assure you, they aren't the Americans with great savings accounts, mutual funds or a salaried job.

So, if you just don't care and you just don't think it can happen to us, keep your thoughts to yourself because you are an island. That I fear is becoming more and more the size of the United States.

Oops...

"Leaving the work force at a time like this creates big problems. Not only is your portfolio down, but you need to start withdrawing from it. So you are essentially locking in your losses."

..in the words of Ron Lieber of The New York Times in his piece today, "Is Your Money Safe, and Other Questions to Ask."

Wow. I feel thoroughly screwed. Here I am trying to better myself, making a huge career change to help people in the long-run, and I am scared to death that come January, there will be no money to lend me for school. Furthermore, according to Lieber, it looks as if liquidating some of my stock holdings is a crap alternative. I've been waiting 2 years to use my investments for school. Patiently deciding how I would practically go about quitting my marketing career to prepare for a medical one.

On top of it all, I discovered today that my representative Lloyd Doggett voted against the bailout package. I am literally floored. Doggett is a D - and pretty D Liberal. I guess he felt he needed votes for the elections? I don't even know if he's running to be honest. But, this illumination along with the fact that some House Rs voted the bill down because they were upset by Speaker Pelosi's speech denouncing the Bush administration for the economic crisis makes me fire-spittin', dagger shootin' mad!

Things will get better. The pendulum always swings. We just don't know for how long it will be swinging toward the side of the crisis. I do hope this situation has proven that Regan, or Voodoo economics , is a bunch of crap. Seriously! Trickle down? Not while greed still exits. I am not calling for socialism by any means. Simply more transparency and accountability.

And, isn't it ironic that the bailout plan - which has qualities of a socialist solution - is saving capitalism. Looks like a combination of the two ideologies is the only answer that helped us in the 1930s.

When the pendulum swings too far to the crisis point, it is necessary to have a bigger hand step in and hold us up.

If you think it can't happen, take a look at this picture from the Great Depression when banks went under one by one and wiped out people's savings:

Brain Freeze!

My brain is frozen. Not from deciphering the acid or base in an organic reaction, but from imagining an America that would vote McCain for president.

McCain is a nice guy. At one time, I admired him greatly. He was a maverick in my book. I've read his biography, I used to watch him on the senate floor when I was in high school and remark on his independent thought, his courage and his decision making capabilities.

I'm not sure where that John McCain went. I am only a little over half way through the Friday night presidential debate, and don't quite understand how Americans deny straight facts. Facts you can find via a congressional log. It's all out there in plain sight. Some of the darts McCain is throwing at Obama right now are blunted with erasers on their tips because made up, or half truths of reality.

Watching the two of them debate, I feel like I'm in third grade and the big bully in my class just accused me of throwing the eraser when in reality, no one threw it, he just felt like blaming it's fall from the chalk board on someone other than himself.

Politicians are not saints and are far from perfect. Just as I have written about the human side of physicians, politicians are no different. They are just taller children with a little more background, knowledge and life experience. However, when it comes to acting like "an adult," it seems our leaders revert to their insecurities and vulnerabilities. I am specifically referring to Obama's occasional stuttering and McCain's inability to even once look Obama in the eye. The first point, I found illuminating of Obama's youth and the second I found condescending and un-shockingly in step with McCain's consistent lack of deference or respect.

You may be a Maverick sir, in your mind, but you are not Mature. With maturity comes the know-how to look your opponent in the eye, and prove that you are the better of you two. All our young rearing revolves around this simple concept - Rise Above; Don't Stoop to Their Level. Turn the Other Cheek.

So, I'm left tonight with a cringing eyeball as if I just bit my front teef first into a scoop of Cookie's n' Cream. And, not over who I will vote for in November, but why this election is so close. Do, I have anything in common with the average American voter anymore? Am I really that different that I see this election one way, and the people I hear in the news and online see these two men so personally?

I don't get it, but it's time for me to go to bed anyway after I finish up this delicious bowl of Chocolate, Cocunut milk ice-cream. It's my only solace in these times.

Big Things Come in Small Packages

In the seldom spare moments I have outside of work and school, I find myself wasting inordinate amounts of time surfing the Internet focused on one thing that adds no value to my work or my school. For example, last week, I found myself searching for a dress I'd seen in a hipster boutique in Austin called (shameless plug for friend's store) Spartan/Bows & Arrows. It was a cream colored wool shift dress with a light blue French toile design throughout that was far beyond my budget. I probably spent 2 hours on my computer searching for it on some discount site to no avail. I've attributed that time to my inability to grasp Acid/Base reactions.

But, recently, my web surfing produced some gems that I would love to share.

The first is a document that may have already reached your Inbox called the Subprime Primer. Through stick figures and easy to read and understand content, I now get what the hell has been going on with our economy.

The second gem is discovering George Saunders. I feel ignorant and totally unfit to say I received my masters in Journalism from UNC Chapel Hill as I admit that I have just discovered Saunders. I bet all the "real" writers, sipping coffee on their chaise trying to meet their editor's deadline have known Saunders for years. I bet they also wear berets.

Nonetheless, Saunders is a genius. At least by my standards, which might mean diddly-squat to the average hob-nob. Here is a funny piece he recently published in The New Yorker.

Saunders also writes for the UK's Guardian. His column is called American Psyche.

What my two discoveries have in common is that they take highly complex topics and dummy them down to a couple of pages that any one with a few synapses could understand, or at least laugh at.

So even though my aimless surfing on the Internet keeps me that much farther away from memorizing Kinematics formulas, it keeps things real all the same.

Goodbye Sleep.

I ain't gonna sugar coat this. School/Work is hard. Especially when the school part is Organic Chemistry and Physics. I am doing my best to keep my head above water, but I now understand the expression, "drinking from a fire hose."

I like it and all - don't get me wrong. But, I think the reality of how hard this journey will be at times is hitting me square in the sleep zone. I went from a leisurely bed-time of 10:30 p.m. to a typical, post studying, anxiety ridden bed-time of midnight. I'll turn around and wake up at 6:30 or 7 am and do it all over again.

This is going to take time to turn right side up. Because the journey will come in waves. This first semester is particularly hard because my brain hasn't thought like a student in eight years.

The matters of the economy are also weighing on my mind and led me today to search Physician Assistant programs again with sub-specialties like surgery. PA would mean half the school and half the debt, and PAs do have a lot of autonomy.

I guess you could say my mind is a bit topsy turvy right now. I tend to do too much research on anything and everything in my life. A trait I picked up from my dad at an early age when he requested I research dog breeds before we got one. Then, it was, "look at Consumer's Report and do some research on cars," when I bought my first car.

I've researched everything from mountain bikes to razors. And, you could say I know a breadth of knowledge about the differences between Med school and PA programs, doctors and nurses, salaries by locale and school tuitions, MCAT scores and specialty focuses across all 50 states. It's very hard to know what is the right decision. Part of me wants to go big and another part of me says to be practical and do what is affordable, doable without compromising the desire to help people.

How do you ever know if you made the right choice? ...particularly when you feel sleep deprived.

While I Was in Class

The U.S. (and subsequently, much of the world) economy is tanking.

De-regulation has taken on new heights. Some are saying, "Vegas is more regulated than our investment banking industry in America."

I grew up in a small suburb outside New York City during the Bull and the Bear market years. Black Monday (the first time) happened one morning while I was in Mr. Cox's 8th grade history class. I clearly remember so much about that morning. I was wearing a white turtleneck from LL Bean, a black wool sweater from Benetton , jeans, a pair of LL Bean moccasins (or as we called them, 'Bluechers') and I was carrying my navy LL Bean back pack with the silver reflective ribbon across the front. We were all very privileged in that suburb. Many of my friends parents worked on Wall Street, and I remember noticing their long faces and feeling this sense of impending doom sweep the halls of our middle school that entire fall. I think it was hard for some of my friends to see their father or mother let-go from their positions at the banks. Still, their despair was saying no to their spring break in the Caymans or the ski trip to Vail. Their horror was relative.

Our economy bounced back then, and it will bounce back this time.

Still, I am curious to see if all this talk about teaching Americans a lesson about greed will really last. Is this crash going to transform our style of consumption? In my view, this is the same talk we heard in the late 80s, and as soon as the money started flowing back in, it was back to business as usual. Those kids, whose parents opted for second-hand turtlenecks over the LL Bean variety, were back to dressing their children in name-brands. Families were once again jetting off to Florida and Park Slope. A sort of economic amnesia settled over the community for years to come.

Money has a strange power over all of us. Some just want enough to pay the bills and others just want enough to buy two homes. But, is it really ever "enough?"

School Update

I'm now in week three of school, and it's going okay. Organic Chemistry is going much better this time around, and I really enjoy my professor's teaching style. I also just learned that the book I am using was written by a Chemistry professor at UT, which is very impressive.

Physics....eh. It's really, really, extraordinarily hard to take a class online, I am learning. I now have a tutor in both my classes, but trying to keep up with Physics, while mostly teaching myself, is pretty strange. There will be a drop/add date, and when I come to it, I will make a decision on whether it's wise of me to keep going at this without a teacher.

I had a dream last night of myself in my first days at med school, wearing a white coat, and being surrounded by other women and men more my age who were also starting out as "non-traditional" students. We were waiting to get into our gross anatomy class, and we were all so excited.

Here's hoping that dream comes true.

What Do You Have to Hide?

My credit report is attached to practically everything about me. Cars, gym memberships, my ability to rent or buy, my car insurance...and for some, future employers can consider your credit report before they hire you for a job.

So, how is it that some of our presidential candidates have hidden their tax returns from the public view, while average Americans must prove their fiscal high standards to even join Blockbuster video?

Here is how the tax return playing field looks for our presidential and vice presidential hopefuls:

• Obama: Released 6 years of tax returns last winter during his campaign
• McCain: After much prodding by the press, released his one year (2006-2007) returns after he filed in April 2008
• Biden: Just released his returns this August
• Palin: Crickets
  

The Wall Street Journal reports yesterday that Senator Joe Biden has released the last 10 years of his tax returns to show very little surprises. The Obama-Biden camp is hoping that Sarah Palin and the McCain family (specifically millionaire heiress Cindy McCain) do the same.

Biden's returns look like this:

• Joint income for Joe and Jill hovered between $215,000 and $320,000, and tax rates between 16% and 20% of their income.
  
• They claim very little investment income
• Their largest deduction was for the mortgage interest on their Wilmington, DE home which totaled $38,000 in 2007.

McCain's returns:

• 33% taxed income on $215,304 salary in 2006 (congressional salary and US Navy pension combined)
  
• Donated his book royalties to charities

McCain's tax returns look clean and average. But, it is his wife Cindy, benefactor of a beer distributing company, who files separately, who affords the McCain's their lifestyle. Now, that said, their was a famous almost-first-lady, Teresa Heinz-Kerry, who also filed separately, and who also wiggled her way around disclosing her full earnings and filings. So fair as square, Republicans and Democrats can both make beaucoup dollars and try to hide behind the curtain of elitism, even after they run out on stage half naked.

But, where is Palin? Why has she not disclosed her tax returns? And, perhaps, after Biden's olive branch to release his, she and Todd will also be an "open book," a term she used with Charlie Gibson this week like it was going out of style. Have no doubts, Sarah Palin is bringing "open book" back with a vengeance. And this time, she's not wearing lipstick.

What it boils down to for me, and what most Americans should be wondering themselves, is why is disclosing your tax returns an option when you are running for the highest office in the country? This should be a requirement. Your credit report, your tax returns for the last decade and any ties you have to lobbyists should be uncovered on day one of your candidacy as if you were being scanned at the airport.

I am skeptical of what Palin's returns will show. Reports already point to her claim for $43,000 in travel expenses for her family members who accompanied her on official trips and billed tax payers $17,000 in her per-diem travel fees for herself, although it's also substantiated that she spent much of that time in her home in Wasila.

There's something fishy going on, and it's called, Faked Alaska.

My First Week of Class

I'm back in school this week at UTexas Extension in Austin. It's night school, but the classes are the same. So, while I maintain my full-time job at a well known computer company, I study organic chemistry and physics. Ain't nuttin' but a thang!

It's actually pretty hard starting out. My focus is constantly switching from one extreme to the next. I want to be at work when I'm studying and I want to be studying when I am at work. Hopefully, this is just a typical transition phase and I'll be better trained to compartmentalize my day in the coming weeks.

The material is pretty neat. But, then again, we've all concluded that I am kind of a nerd. We talk about hybridized orbitals and resonance structures in orgo, and physics has me learning things like significant digits and uncertainty. Who knew that when you add up numbers the actual result could be in question by + or - a point! I begin to question the validity of science when the learnings get overly esoteric. But, then again, that's just science.

I found it interesting in my Physics book today that science was described as a "creative pursuit." Most of us wouldn't pick that adjective. But, when you think about the great scientists over the centuries: Galileo, Newton, Einstein; they all thought outside of the box, imaginatively and creatively to even begin playing around with numbers and standards to prove their theories.

Yep, I'm a nerd.

What really cinches it, though? I bought one of those large, rain shower heads to replace the one I had been using for the last 2 and half years - you know, the kind you have to dance around the shower to get a drop or two. I thought maybe there was no water pressure in my house, period. But, after installing my new, fancy, European-looking shower head...Voila! It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I tested it once after I installed it, and then I just turned it on again for kicks before bed to just watch the water flow. Flow, baby! Flow!

Wow! I need to get out of the house tomorrow night. Call the cops if I start posting about some new lint removal contraption or the installation of a craft-matic adjustable bed.

McCain's Health Plan: More Different Than I Thought

A couple of weeks ago, I posted the differences/similarities between Obama and McCain's plans for health care in America. The two approaches seemed very similar based on what I read on their respective web sites.

However, today, as a part of Good Morning America's series "Meet the Jones's" the reality of how McCain's plan would effect a typical American family whose daughter was diagnosed with ADHD became clear, and all at once - mucky.

According to McCain's chief health care strategist, Americans would be free to choose their own health care plans with the aid of a $5000 stipend, BUT would not be obligated or guaranteed health care. "John McCain wants you in charge." Getting the best health care at the best price will be up to the family or individual to research and negotiate what's good for them. In an ideal world, this approach seems to embrace the free market principles of our country.

But, who realistically has time to research and savvy to negotiate with insurance companies better, fairer priced health care?

We all know that health insurance companies are managed by suits with business degrees, who may be good people, but who focus on trend lines and the bottom line more often than "The Jones's" personal health care struggles. As the system operates currently, when you are offered health care through your employer, they negotiate the best rate - and although, STILL not a perfect system, it's definitely more organized with less opportunity for corruption.

Who do you think the health insurance companies would screw more - the top manager at a large firm who calls in on behalf of 50 employees for better rates, OR Mr. and Mrs. Jones who call in from their home phone to discuss their struggle to pay for their child's ADD medication? It's much easier to bilk money from an individual who hasn't been trained in negotiation or schooled in the various choices for health insurance.

Furthermore, even though McCain's laissez-fair health care plan would allow Americans to purchase their own benefits with this $5,000 stipend, this stipend would be taxed, and may not come close to covering the health care costs of the typical American household which reach upwards of $15,000 annually. And that's an average for the family with just basic check-ups. Would hate to imagine what the bill is for a family whose child has leukemia.

Lastly, I think the most disturbing aspect of the McCain plan is it's overall tone, as stated by McCain's health care policy wonk who spoke on GMA this morning. The motto is: It's the best we can do; it's better than what we have now; we just don't have the funds to cover a plan that would guarantee health care for all Americans; we need to be realistic.

Is that the attitude of a country who sent a man to the moon? And, is that the philosophy of a P.O.W. presidential candidate who prides himself - deservedly so - on his ability to fight for the best for the U.S.?

I'll leave you with this. McCain's team states that covering all Americans with health care comparable to what congressman receive would cost $350 billion dollars.

In 2007, the United States spent $965 billion on the military.

San Francisco

Sorry for the vacation from the blog, but I was in San Fran with no laptop. It was very 1995.

Everything about the trip was so refreshing. Seeing my family, going on long hikes through the beautiful Presidio and checking out the Marin County Farmer's Market. Here is a picture from the afternoon we spent flying a kite at Chrissy Field in the Presidio.

There were tons of wind surfers and kite surfers and the fog held off on this particular day to give way to blue skies and sailboats.

How have I not lived in San Francisco yet?

Hillary of Health Care

Live blogging during Hillary Clinton's keynote address at the DNC. So far, a strong speech, but I am still pleased that it's Barack who inches toward the presidency. But, as a female, I am proud and hopeful that we will have a woman in the White House soon.

One of the first issues Hillary addresses in her speech tonight is health care. Telling the story of a single mother with cancer who adopted two children with autism. She had painted "Hillary" on her bald head and asked the Senator to fight for health care for all Americans. A striking visual.

So what went wrong with the Hillary Clinton health care plan (also known as HillaryCare by her opponents) back in 1993? Many little things - but ultimately, the unwillingness of Congress and Americans to believe that universal coverage would benefit us. Further, Hillary was accused of being the face in front of the platform, but not its guts. It was speculated that Bill Clinton was the true master mind behind the health care plan.

One of the biggest obstacles to instituting a national health care plan is fear. Fear of an unknown, new system. The fear that quality of care would deteriorate. The fear that our taxes would increase to pay for it.

I think the last fear is the only sound one. But, it's time we stop living in a world where we think benefits just happen. We have to pay and give back to our country in order to live humanely.

Meanwhile, Hillary is lighting the convention center on fire (not literally.) She is knocking it out of the park with her speech. She should have used this fervor more often during her campaign. But, most importantly she is culling the people to unite under Obama Biden.

Ahhhh...what sweet relief if sometime in the next 4 years we can offer better health care to all Americans.

North, South, East, West - It's a Fundamental Right, Not a Privelege

This is Ted Kennedy's motto. He's said it over and over while serving as a Massachusetts Senator and he said it again tonight during his speech at the Democratic National Convention.

First of all, this man is a fighter and real life enthusiast. Yes, I still am in awe of the Kennedy family. They may be somewhat of an empire, but there is something about them that seems so human, and I'm not talking about the affairs and the alcohol. Ted Kennedy, especially, has been through some rough patches - Chapaquitic, alcohol abuse, just to name a couple highlights. But, he is a fighter nonetheless.

Glioma, a malignant brain tumor, most recently slowed down the Senator. But, not enough to keep him from giving a stirring speech tonight at the DNC in Denver, CO.

We want Ted to make it through his battle with cancer. Although he was fighting for quality health care for all Americans before his diagnosed illness, his tenor is now of a man who has been through the worst medical treatments you can imagine, but who can afford it all. Which is why his passion for creating a better health care system is emboldened.

When you face death, disease or even a MRI and surgery, you are back to feeling helpless, possibly alone and maybe a little or a lot afraid. Being sick isn't a warm fuzzy.

Kennedy needs to pull through his cancer to make sure we get to the bottom of the health care junk show. We need his passion and his grace. We need him to leave that legacy.

Today, I was the patient

A few weeks ago, I suffered an injury after bracing my fall onto a cement tennis court with my elbow and shoulder. It was some fun times.

I didn't get it looked at after it happened, because the next day, I was off to camp where I would be surrounded by nurses and doctors who would surely be able to help me, right? Wrong. Pediatric cardiologists, oncologists and even ER physicians had only one reaction when I asked them what to do: "You didn't get it X-Rayed?"

So, that's just what I did this morning at Austin Sports Medicine. And, fortunately, there was no damage to the bone. However, Doc thinks I might have torn cartilage, and prescribed a MRI scan.

In comes my first experience as a patient when health insurance did diddly squat. Cigna only covers MRI costs after you've met your deductible, and mine is $500. This is small potatoes compared to what many people face every day in medical bills, but it certainly got me fired up and a heck of a lot more empathetic to those without health insurance.

Because I actually was considering not having the MRI scan done just to save money. I mean, Doc said it's just a 50-50 chance it's torn, in which case I need surgery.

Back to health care being a specifically emotional issue. Our bodies are all we got on this planet. Sure, there's that whole matter of the soul, but what good does that do you if you can't walk or eat or function while you spend your time as a living being. And, then there are all those people who don't believe in a soul, so for them, truly, the body is all they've got.

So, why is it that anyone should ever have to choose between getting proper treatment and saving a dollar? This should not be a debate for those who choose to look after themselves and seek out a medical solution to their ailments. It should be a welcome mat that says, "Give me your tired, your poor, your yearning masses to be free."

As Emma Lazarus wrote for the immigrants forever imprinted on the Statue of Liberty, we need to remember what we stand for in America, and continue to fight for a much, much, much better health care system than the one we barter with today.

Joe Biden on Healthcare

I returned from my run this morning with the following news: "Obama Picks Joe"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only am I psyched, I am relieved. The other choices were so obviously mediocre. The Democrats needed a hole-in-one, slam dunk VP pick. And, we got one. /And, yes, I am a Democrat.

So, what are Biden's key positions on healthcare reform. I visited his web site and he had me at the second bullet,

Help Medical students find ways to finance their tuition.

His position on universal coverage is reasonable and necessary:

• Start paying for universal coverage with $100B in redundancy.
• Start with catastrophic insurance and insuring all kids.

I am going to run around the house doing my hap-hizzy dance now.

Obama vs. McCain on Health Care

With the Democratic and Republican primaries just around the corner, InDies is going to break down the candidates viewpoints on our favorite topic: Health Care.

I'm going to warn you, it was quite a quagmire to sift through both Obama and McCain's health care reform plans as stated on their respective web sites (perhaps just appropriate response platforms to the current health care junk show.) So, I am going to point out what I felt, after reading their online viewpoints (I wonder if McCain even knows what his URL is?) were the key pieces of their plans.

Obama:

Read in more detail Obama's health care reform here.

Key Points:

• Universal health coverage for children with option to remain on parent's plan until age 25.
• Health Insurance reform to measure quality, fairness in costs (reforming system to remove the monopoly-like hold insurance companies have over premiums) and remove limitations currently set by pre-existing condition clauses. Essentially, under Obama's plan, no one should be turned away because of a known chronic illness or health issue.
  
• Improve hospital care to reduce medical error, hospital-born illness and physician/nurse staffing strains.
• Focus on preventative care
• Focus on advancements in medical records technology, biomedical research, improving mental health care, improving health care for Americans with disabilities and more.
  
• Allow for state-federal flexibility. For example, if a state is already experimenting with new health care approaches, the federal government will only require they adhere to certain, fundamental protocols, but not interfere with the state's plan.
  
• "Quality, Affordable and Portable Health Coverage For All" - this is the wam-doozle of the entire platform (the one Hillary debated him on early in the race for the nomination.) Obama's plan will offer health coverage to all Americans who opt to buy into the plan, and a National Health Exchange subsidy for those who cannot afford the plan outright, but who do not qualify for Medicaid.
  

Woooof! Okay, one down, one more to go.

McCain

McCain's plan is easier to tell you about, because there were a ton of similarities between his and Obama's plan.

Right out the gate, on the McCain Health Care web page of his campaign site it reads:

"Making Health Insurance Innovative, Affordable and Portable." Sound familiar.

McCain's plan promotes many of the same ideals as the Obama plan from where I am reading:

• Improved access to quality, universal coverage
• Improve medical record and health care technology
• Flexibility with state plans
• Preventative care
  
• Removing restrictions on pre-existing conditions
• Reform the health insurance industry to remove the monopolistic behavior
  

Both of them even have specific call-outs to battle Autism.

In the end, I would need a policy wonk to tell me what really makes these two plans very different.

Bottom line is that the health care debate is a stand-alone issue. It can't be compared to any of the other problems we face today because at it's core, health is personal and emotional.
When we get sick, we feel weak, vulnerable and down right lousy. Imagine you felt like that every day for months, even years at a time? And, then imagine that you had to quit your job because you were too sick to manage and then you lose your health insurance, and your three kids do, too. This is why health care is an emotional issue. This is why we can't analogize it in the upcoming primaries.

Maybe it's our puritanical, protestant beginnings that toss away the notion we could even get sick, have a baby, or God forbid take a lunch break at work and enjoy a moment during the non-stop work day. But it seems to me that no one in America is breaking down the health care debate to this simple fact: People will get sick and need help, so health care coverage should be a fundamental right as opposed to a fundamental worry.

/And if you want to make the issue about money, investing in preventative care and supporting the health of individual Americans will, I guarantee you, save our country more money in the long-run.

Summer Camp!

Another year of Camp Periwinkle goes by. This was my second year volunteering a week in August to the Periwinkle Foundation and their camp for children with cancers and some blood disorders. You can check out the pictures here.

Every year I wonder if people will understand what it's like at camp when I tell them. Typically, the words "magical", "inspiring" and "transformative" are the ones I choose to describe camp. It's a week of incredible miracles of the human spirit.

This year, Camp Periwinkle celebrated its 25th anniversary and it's a true testament to the people who organize camp every year that most counselors have been coming back for 5, 10, 15 and 20 years. I am a real newbie, but plan on being a repeat volunteer as long as they will have me.

Working with kids who are fighting diseases with no discernible cure and only treatments has very little to do with sacrifice on my part. It is a privilege to even spend time with them, get a hug, smile or share a cry with them. They teach me far more than I could ever give them.

See you next year Camp Periwinkle.

Hopkins: The Best Show on TV

Whether you like medicine or not, Hopkins is arguably one of the best shows on broadcast television this summer.

Because of the nature of the show, a reality drama, the producers could only shoot 6 episodes. Just recently, a seventh episode was announced (they had that one in their back pocket the whole time) but that will most likely be the last one until Grey's Anatomy comes back this fall to fill the slot.

What makes this show so great and well liked by people of all ages and professions? It shows the experience of medicine from all angles - the patient angle, the physician's, the families of the physicians. It's just superbly real.

Hopkins, Thursday 9CT p.m. on ABC. Picture caption: Dr. Ann Czarnik, ER resident Johns Hopkins.

The Human Ant Farm

It's books like this, How the New Quality Movement is Transforming Medicine, that give me pause to enter the field of medicine.

New York Times contributor, Abigail Zuger, MD, reports on the book by Massachusetts health insurance advisor Charles Kenney. Right now, Zuger points out, health care is being examined with greater scrutiny than ever before. It's getting to the point where some - typically not doctors or nurses - advocate for a flat health care structure in which even patients and their families can call the shots on treatment.

The synopsis of Zuger's review of Kenney's book is that the problems of health care are great - but it's probably wishful thinking to transform the system by putting even more pressure on health care workers to perform impossible tasks to reach perfection. Although Kenney accuses physicians of treating humans like cars, Zuger argues that no one in the health care field treats anyone like a car. Things do happen in medicine that are not always pleasant, organized or easy to accept. Still, physicians and nurses are really doing all they can.

As a first-hand observer in a children's emergency room, I can attest to this fact. Doctors and nurses are still in health care to help and do the best they can. Our health care administration, the rules set by insurance companies and the lack of government support are really what's killing the system.

We Don't Need This Kind of Help

With health care in a tailspin, this is the type of story you just don't want to hear
A social worker from Chevy Chase, MD, has been found guilty of health care fraud.

61-year-old Melvin Shandler bilked close to $250,000 for services never rendered.

How many stories like Shandler's go unchecked?

My Kind of Town

Just got back from Chicago. Great weekend. The city is fantastic this time of year - I had no idea. The only other time I've hung out in Chi-town has been during the college school year when I went to Saint Mary's, OR during the marathon when it was freezing even then.

Check out the pictures

UK vs US Health Care Options

Riding to work today, I heard this alarming piece from NPR comparing the health care options for a patient with MS in England to a patient with MS in the U.S.

Here are the highlights. Although the UK patient waited a few weeks to see a specialist for her chronic illness, once she got into see the doctor, it was instant feedback from tests on therapy options, drugs, etc. Within months, the UK patient was on medicine and under physician supervision all paid for through the UK's National Health Service (NHS). The only expense is 30 pounds, out-of-pocket each month for physical therapy. This patient was even reimbursed 5,000 pounds for the minimal amount of time she did have to pay-out-of-pocket for some of her medication while the government waited to see the results of the drugs on a population of patients.

The US patient with MS, meanwhile, had to leave his job, lost his health insurance, has two children, a wife and a re-possessed home. He and his family now rent, filed bankruptcy and try to live off of his wife's new health insurance. This patient filed for Medicare two years ago - but it take two years to be approved in the US. He will not receive reimbursement until December 2009.

The US has the best health care system in the world? Not likely.

Texas 4000 - Riding for Cancer

My good friend Brooke is somewhere heading towards Vancouver on a 4000 mile bike ride up the west coast for cancer. The ride serves as symbol of courage and endurance, and the riders themselves raise tons of money for cancer research and cancer support. As an aside - I am leaning toward going into pediatric oncology, so cancer charities have a special place in my heart. A few years back, I coached one of the marathon teams in Austin for Team in Training with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

Let's point out the straight facts. She's riding 4,000 miles in a summer (it works out to be approx. 80 mile road rides a day with a couple of days off here and there) to Alaska - the final destination. That is unreal! Add to that fact, she was diagnosed with mono just before the ride started. The diagnosis only deterred her some. It is clear, I am friends with a rock star.

Check out her blog about the ride and search around for other blogs from the riders involved in Texas 4000. It's a unique and wonderful charity. Donate online if you can.

Doctor Video Blog - Not a Showman, but Insightful

Doctors are busy people, so it's nice to see that the medical community as a whole has embraced social media, blogging, commenting on articles, etc.

Family practice physician, Robert Morrow, MD has a sort-of funny, but mostly spot-on video blog commentary about patient visits and the health insurance industry. Worth a watch.

Customizing Your Career

Stuck in a corporate job, but really love to paint?

Feel you are better working with people, but you are also a finance genius?

Love medicine, but also love to write? Wait! That's me!

Check out NY Times blogger Marci Alboher whose blog for the Times, Shifting Careers, points out some great resources on how to create the job that is you.

I've mentioned before an author hero of mine, Perri Klass, who is a mother, pediatrician and journalist. Pretty much defines my goals in life.

I'm gonna check out some of the books Alboher suggests, including her own, that provide insight on careers and how to go about defining the one that makes you the happiest.

Health Insurance Is Really Making Me Sick

This is just one of the many stories on the state of the health care industry in the United States. From yesterday on MSNBC.

How is it that men in suits that sit at desks make decisions about who gets coverage, how much it costs and who is at risk.

According to the report, the health insurance industry is about to launch a campaign to make itself look good. Kind of like when Phillip Morris ran advertisements about how you could quit smoking...it's all such a farse. They don't really care. They want you to buy their cigarettes and most smart people know it.

"Campaign for an American Solution" (I recommend scrolling to the MD comments after the article) will launch a listening tour in Columbus, OH that records that small percent of Americans who are satisfied with their insurance coverage.

Richard Kirsch, president for Health Care for America Now, a non-profit joining forces with a ton of other groups - see here - to combat the health insurance industry. Kirsch told MSNBC, "the health insurance industry is free to reject who they want and charges unfairly based on risk. If you’re older you get charged more. If you’re a woman you get charged more.”

Loved this very true statement from another activist:

Brian Rothenberg, the Executive Director of Progress Ohio, railed against the lack of progress in health care reform despite the fact that “it’s been 16 years since the health care debate first came on the national scene.” He said that many people are “one bad boss, one difficult decision at work away from being unemployed and having no health insurance.”

I've Been in Texas Too Long

Austin - A New-Found Appreciation

Once I was able to solidify that I would be staying in Austin for school, it's almost like moving here for the first time all over again.

Some of my personal favorite spots to check out if you live here, or if you just come for a visit - Part 1:

Stay Cool with the city's spring-fed watering holes and lakes:

Barton Springs - A crisp 68 degrees Fahrenheit. Kind of reminds you of the movie Cocoon.
Deep Eddy - Oldest swimming pool in the state of Texas. A crisp 72 degrees Fahrenheit. Better for doing real laps because the pool is in the shape of a square and has an area for lap swimming.
Pace Bend Park on Lake Travis - this year, the water is so-so. But, come on a good summer with lots of rain, and this is what you can find at Pace Bend:













Grab a cool drink:

Crown and Anchor - A UT hangout year-round. You won't find a lot of youngsters at this bar. It caters more to graduate students and professionals. Dogs welcome, "Arf!"
Shoal Creek Saloon - Owned and operated by Louisiana folk, this long-standing Austin pub serves up cold beers, wine, liquor and cajun cooking. Saints fans, look no further. Scream "Who 'dat" like you mean it!
Uncle Billy's Beer and BBQ - Austin's home-brew destination. Drink Billy's beer and eat fairly decent bbq while sitting under the oak trees of Barton Springs Road. For those new to town, you won't have the pleasure of sitting outside at Billy's next to the traditional RV park (where even Matthew McConaughey kept his Airstream trailer.) The owner of another local spot - Austin Java (also located on Barton Springs) bought the park, forced the residents out and is now in the process of building even, more, yes, more, condos for Austin.
The Longbranch Inn - Old favorite. Just started serving liquor 3 years ago. Before that, patrons bought their own bottles of liqour at the store next to the bar and were served setups. The bar itself is an ornate, carved wooden structure taken from the original bar at the Driskill Hotel.

Hot sips:

Emerald City Press Coffee - New and so cool. Drive up to the open front for coffee, treats and the paper.
Quack's - Also known as the 43rd Street Bakery, Quack's has been around longer than I could research. But, because Austin is a young city, that might mean it's been around since 1979, or something. It caters to the graduate and undergraduate set for studying and lounging, but you'll see Hyde Parkers of all walks at Quack's. It's definitely a scene of the intellectual, hip looking and eclectic. "Keep Austin Weird!"
Jo's - Now serving coffee, food and beer at the original South Congress location and now in the new 2nd Street district. Coffee is great, and the food (mostly at the 2nd Street location) is amazing!

Healthy sips:

Daily Juice - With all these chain smoothie places, it's so refreshing to find a local joint that serves up truly fresh and tasty smoothies, elixirs and juices. Drinking a Daily Juice concoction will make you feel healthy, hippie and holistic. I recommend the Subliminator with Almond Butter.
Wheatsville Grocery - one of the original food co-ops in the U.S., grab a smoothie at Wheatsville back at the Deli.

Part 2 of my Austin series will include:

• Hear some live music
• Eat well
• Dress well
• Do something for your body
• Do something for your home
• Where the dogs are
  

New England Journal of Medicine on Non-Traditional Medical Students

Thought provoking article on non-trads and their importance to the future of medicine in the NEJM

Here's a Scary Thought: Doctor's Are Only Human

When I think of doctors, three types of bed-side manner come to mind.

1) Nice
2) Cold
3) Indifferent

Of course, there are subsets of these personalities, but these three comprise the make-up of most of our experiences with doctors.

Everyone loves the nice, warm, jovial doctor. Who wouldn't? Pleasant people rock. In any profession, the pleasant employee can get a lot accomplished by placating colleagues across various groups. And, when the pleasant employee has a bad day, which is just life, for the most part, it is completely acceptable. "Ah...Joe must be having a bad day," you might say, and then leave it at that.

Are doctors really any different? They are humans after all.

I'm starting to believe the answer is no. At least based on what I hear from my friends who tell me their stories of visits, or even calls to their doctors. "They were so indifferent when I told them I hadn't slept all night because of my headache," a friend once told me. And then he continued on to say, "doctors are so bad sometimes....but you won't be like that."

I've always felt super comfortable around doctors. Heck, one was my grandfather, so I saw from a very young age his human side. He got angry, he got sick, he laughed, he got cranky. In fact, he even slept from time-to-time, and in a real, human bed. I never saw him bleed, but I am 99 percent certain he was a human. I don't think a robot could tan like that.

There are some bad doctors out there, but most of them are just, well...human. They have bad days too. They get upset stomachs and headaches, and funny-enough, they even get grossed out sometimes by what you come into their offices to show them growing in your ear.

Then there are the exceptionally nice doctors, and to me, those are the doctors truly destined for the profession. I witnessed, recently, a doctor who had one of the best bed-side manners this side of a cupcake factory. The patients just melted in her presence and really worked hard on improving their lives for their next visit. She confessed to me later that she loves her job, but really never liked the sciences.

Then you have the science genius, who got all As in high school and college and didn't have the first clue on what to do with such a genius brain, so took the next best logical step, and went to med school. Twenty years later, Dr. Smarty Pants can become the emotionless doctor or the downright unpleasant doctor. Remember, he/she too started out life human, watched Different Strokes and played Connect Four just like you and me. So, like many humans, Dr. Smarty Pants can get depressed about the choices he/she made about becoming a doctor, or maybe it's the spouse they married or the town they live in. Just like other humans, life can wear them down.

Now, imagine being that human with the responsibility of other peoples lives in your hands, a broken health care system and a stomach ache from the pizza you ate the night before. Maybe it would be better if you weren't human.

It's the Little Things....

I have an addiction. It's pretty pathetic that it's gotten so out of hand lately, but admitting to it is always the first step.

I am obsessed with Hulu.com. It's like everything I ever dreamed the Internet could be. I can watch movies, TV shows, funny excerpts of my favorite comedies, all on a robust player that doesn't stop to buffer and plays short commercials without me having to use my fingers to hit, "Click to Continue." I can keep my arms snug and warm in bed and not move a muscle while hulu just plays away.

And, then, just when I think it couldn't get any better, I discovered the following is now available through Hulu...Buck Rogers

Somebody pinch me! Of course, you can also find reruns of St. Elsewhere.

What a country!

Chilaxin'

It's funny to think that just three weeks ago, my life was all up in knots. Oregon vs. UT, how am I going to make this work, will I be able to stay at my job if I stay??? Now, it all seems like a fond memory. It even gives me the warm fuzzies to think back on this entire spring.

The last three weeks have been some of the most enjoyable I've had in many years. First, there was the weekend in Oldenburg, TX - outside of Burton (not that it helps to know that) - where 24 hours passed like an entire week. I learned how to shoot a 12-gauge shotgun; fished; saw the symphony and watched the cows eat grass.

Then, all last week, I spent in Charleston, SC with my entire immediate family. It was a very special reunion - as we don't get to do that very often. My nephew and nieces are now old enough to be more engaging and talk to me and be silly. My parents were having so much fun with all the activity in their house. We had a fireworks display that was most likely illegal and definitely dangerous.

And, for the first time in several years, I attended a family reunion without feeling left out. I am the last one in my family to get married or have kids, and that has always bothered me until now.

Which brings me to the ultimate point of my post. Post 30 years of age, I have really slowed down on my expectations of life and learned to focus on what is reality and what makes me happy outside of anything society or people who care about me might think.

All throughout my 20s, I was eager. Eager to date, eager to get serious, eager to get engaged, eager to make good money, eager to get a better job. I was never quite satisfied, and I never really considered if the relationships I were in, or the jobs I had, really made me happy. I was too concerned with checking off the boxes. It's no surprise to me that I dated men who were not the best for me, but I stuck it out anyway. Why wouldn't you, when your biggest goal is to get married and have kids. You would do anything to reach your biggest goal, wouldn't you?

Well, it took until now to have this realization: If you're not right with yourself first, there is no way you can be right for someone else. And, because I was so eager to get so much done by the time I turned 30, I forgot to reflect on whether I enjoyed the journey.

Now, as a 30-something-year-old, I am no longer in a hurry. Just at the age everyone says you'll have an early-life crisis or feel the pressures to get hitched and have kids, I have finally decided that I enjoy chillin'. Just easin' down the road of life, and loving every step of the way.

Life Changes

Wow! A lot can change in just a week. I'm ready to have some consistency in life for at least a little bit.

Last week I was headed to Eugene. This week, I didn't get the financial aid I needed to live there. I mean - not by a long shot!

I always said I had a Plan B to stay in Austin and go to ACC then UT in the spring and try to get all my course work done in the same amount of time. And, now, that is what I will have to do. It will save me a lot of money and a lot of financial stress. It might replace it with academic uncertainty, though. But, I am honestly, determined to make this work.

As soon as I found out yesterday, I called both UT and ACC to set up meetings with advisors and get the ball rolling at those institutions. I think I've written about this before, but not a lot of grass grows under my feet. I probably put divits in the cement, I tend to move so quickly and proactively.

Now, some have said - "get a bank loan" (hell no!) or, "if this is your life's passion then go to Oregon if you think it will get you into medicine." These are both solutions/suggestions. But, bank loans are just plain dumb (in my opinion), mostly because you have less flexibility on how long it takes for you to pay them back, and staying in Austin is not a horrible idea.

So, here I may stay. I think my friends are pretty excited about this, and my family is sort of split. Everyone just wants me to do the best thing, and sometimes doing the best thing is a combination of reason and compromise.

I'm going to make it work, either way.

Eugene!

Welp! It looks like I a moving to Eugene, OR for school. A hard, tough, life-changing decision...but really, it won't be that dramatic or grandiose. I'll be back to Austin and my friendships here will be forever and stronger. It could be a temporary stint for the next year and a half, or it could be a two-year gig. It just depends on what happens to me out there before med school.

I learned one very important lesson going out to Oregon this weekend. Big decisions don't always come in a-ha revelations that knock you over the head and make you feel clear and secure about moving forward. Sometimes, they come in waves that leave you high and then leave you low. Let's put it this way, I was riding the edge of a long-board this weekend and it was fun, and it was also not so much fun.

Great things about Eugene.

• The school has an excellent reputation in the sciences
• The school has an excellent reputation and is a real 4-year university
• People in Eugene drive so sensibly.
  
• Oregonians are really friendly - who knew?
• It's freaky beautiful out there
• Everyone loves to be outside
  
• The summers will be gorgeous!

My new XTi took the following pics

My New Camera!

Finally! It has arrived. My new Canon Rebel Xti, digital SLR camera. I can't take a picture of it :) so I am providing this link

Soon this blog will be rife with pictures. For now, you will just have to read and use your imaginations.

Performed many volunteer duties in the ER today, including watching over a one-year-old baby post drainage surgery while his 11-year-old sister kept him smiling and somewhat relaxed. It must be very strange to be one, groggy and unable to truly move around or be picked up while six wires and tubes stretch out from your body. But, he did great, and even responded to me when I gave him "high-fives!" Unfortunately, he didn't completely trust me because his sister thinks I looked like a doctor. A high compliment in some regard, as well as the tough reality that one day, kids won't like me very much. I don't like to think about it.

Also trained in the oncology unit this week. I've always had an affinity for children with cancer. I like taking their mind of the bad stuff and getting them to smile. It's occurring to me more and more that being a physician will mean not being able to make kids smile, being scary, being hated and being a bad memory.

Someday, though, I will take great pride in any drawings or popsicle arts and crafts collages the children I treat make for me. My goal isn't to have great wealth (because as we all know, I will be a government employee by the time I graduate), but to have a couple of those macaroni, construction paper likenesses of me hanging in my practice.

Dear Grandad

I think of you a lot these days. I probably thought about you a lot before I started down the path of medicine, but I think about you now in more brilliant colors and great memories. I remember how we used to write each other when I was younger, up until you passed away. You had some great advice in those letters that I've kept and look at some times. I think I'll look at them again tonight and try to find some pearls of wisdom.

I try to call Grandma now and then and it's always so uplifting to hear her positive voice on the other end. At 95, she sounds the same as when I was only four years old. She is a remarkable, inspiring woman, as you know :) She likes to tell me how you are watching over me and guiding me into health care. I think she's right.

It's funny how I've never forgotten your stories about starting out so young as a doctor and feeling uncertain or unprepared. You were my doctor sometimes. Of course, by then, medicine was pretty much old hat. But, I remember in particular your story about sitting vigil for a young child with polio. You did that even though you had four children at home at the time.

I wish you could be here still and give me the dirty truth and the incredible greatness about being a doctor. I wish I could ask you questions and get answers to all of this work ahead of me. But, I will have to settle for the letters you've written in the past and the feeling I do have that you are never far away.

You were my doctor, you were my grandad and you are now my silent mentor.