My Blood Pressure is Rising

The current economic crisis and upcoming election have created the perfect storm for my blood pressure. And, as I have said in the past, my B.S. meter goes off right about my big toe. These days, it seems to go off 10 yards away from me.

In the past 20 years of my life, I have learned time and time again that forces of mother nature and forces of human nature are powerful, and bad stuff; really bad stuff can happen.

Come to think of it, my first wake up call came even earlier at the age of 6 when my hamster Ekeem ate his hamster roommate Baskerville. My older brother Matt let me know when I came home from school, and I just didn't believe him - I mean, they were rodent buddies. Matt showed me into my room, and sure enough, there Baskerville lay - a dead, half eaten hamster in its cage.

Fast forward to Black Monday in the late 80s when the stock market crash hit our New York suburban town like an ice cream shortage at a 4 year old's birthday. Wealth was very relative for many of the families in our town, but the overall pall cast that day on New York city and the surrounding areas lasted like a leaded weight on everyone's spirit and confidence for the next couple of years.

But, that day paled in comparison to the bombing of the World Trade Center the first time, which was like a blip on the map to 9-11.

I was in NYC for 9-11, and the culmination of my major and minor life experiences leading up to that day taught me one unforgettable lesson: Don't get too comfortable because life is bound to get dirty and hard, and the timing won't be great either.

This is not to say I don't enjoy every day to the fullest. I actually enjoy every day even more so because of my experiences, good and bad. But, lately, I have riled at the people around me who say, "it won't happen," or "everything is going to be fine." Sure, everything is going to be fine in the grand scheme of the great moving ball we live on, but what about what we can do right now?

This upcoming election is the most important of my life so far, and maybe for my lifetime. So, please keep your thoughts to yourself if you feel the urge to say things like, "Obama doesn't look like a guy I can hang out with," or "Sarah Palin is hot."

Please don't share your opinion if you think that capitalism, right now, will just correct itself on its own, and "what's wrong with a little sacrifice." Or my personal favorite, "I wish we could have the Reagan years back." (Because I might reach out and try to shake the sense into you.)

Nothing is wrong with sacrifice, but the people who are suggesting this to me haven't faced a larger sacrifice in their life other than having to buy single ply toilet paper or skipping out on new shoes this month from Cole Hahn. Note to the readers out there, if you are asking for more sacrifice, you have no idea what it really entails. I challenge you to stop filling up your car for 2 weeks and see how far you get. Because that is what some Americans are having to do right now. And, I assure you, they aren't the Americans with great savings accounts, mutual funds or a salaried job.

So, if you just don't care and you just don't think it can happen to us, keep your thoughts to yourself because you are an island. That I fear is becoming more and more the size of the United States.

Oops...

"Leaving the work force at a time like this creates big problems. Not only is your portfolio down, but you need to start withdrawing from it. So you are essentially locking in your losses."

..in the words of Ron Lieber of The New York Times in his piece today, "Is Your Money Safe, and Other Questions to Ask."

Wow. I feel thoroughly screwed. Here I am trying to better myself, making a huge career change to help people in the long-run, and I am scared to death that come January, there will be no money to lend me for school. Furthermore, according to Lieber, it looks as if liquidating some of my stock holdings is a crap alternative. I've been waiting 2 years to use my investments for school. Patiently deciding how I would practically go about quitting my marketing career to prepare for a medical one.

On top of it all, I discovered today that my representative Lloyd Doggett voted against the bailout package. I am literally floored. Doggett is a D - and pretty D Liberal. I guess he felt he needed votes for the elections? I don't even know if he's running to be honest. But, this illumination along with the fact that some House Rs voted the bill down because they were upset by Speaker Pelosi's speech denouncing the Bush administration for the economic crisis makes me fire-spittin', dagger shootin' mad!

Things will get better. The pendulum always swings. We just don't know for how long it will be swinging toward the side of the crisis. I do hope this situation has proven that Regan, or Voodoo economics , is a bunch of crap. Seriously! Trickle down? Not while greed still exits. I am not calling for socialism by any means. Simply more transparency and accountability.

And, isn't it ironic that the bailout plan - which has qualities of a socialist solution - is saving capitalism. Looks like a combination of the two ideologies is the only answer that helped us in the 1930s.

When the pendulum swings too far to the crisis point, it is necessary to have a bigger hand step in and hold us up.

If you think it can't happen, take a look at this picture from the Great Depression when banks went under one by one and wiped out people's savings:

Brain Freeze!

My brain is frozen. Not from deciphering the acid or base in an organic reaction, but from imagining an America that would vote McCain for president.

McCain is a nice guy. At one time, I admired him greatly. He was a maverick in my book. I've read his biography, I used to watch him on the senate floor when I was in high school and remark on his independent thought, his courage and his decision making capabilities.

I'm not sure where that John McCain went. I am only a little over half way through the Friday night presidential debate, and don't quite understand how Americans deny straight facts. Facts you can find via a congressional log. It's all out there in plain sight. Some of the darts McCain is throwing at Obama right now are blunted with erasers on their tips because made up, or half truths of reality.

Watching the two of them debate, I feel like I'm in third grade and the big bully in my class just accused me of throwing the eraser when in reality, no one threw it, he just felt like blaming it's fall from the chalk board on someone other than himself.

Politicians are not saints and are far from perfect. Just as I have written about the human side of physicians, politicians are no different. They are just taller children with a little more background, knowledge and life experience. However, when it comes to acting like "an adult," it seems our leaders revert to their insecurities and vulnerabilities. I am specifically referring to Obama's occasional stuttering and McCain's inability to even once look Obama in the eye. The first point, I found illuminating of Obama's youth and the second I found condescending and un-shockingly in step with McCain's consistent lack of deference or respect.

You may be a Maverick sir, in your mind, but you are not Mature. With maturity comes the know-how to look your opponent in the eye, and prove that you are the better of you two. All our young rearing revolves around this simple concept - Rise Above; Don't Stoop to Their Level. Turn the Other Cheek.

So, I'm left tonight with a cringing eyeball as if I just bit my front teef first into a scoop of Cookie's n' Cream. And, not over who I will vote for in November, but why this election is so close. Do, I have anything in common with the average American voter anymore? Am I really that different that I see this election one way, and the people I hear in the news and online see these two men so personally?

I don't get it, but it's time for me to go to bed anyway after I finish up this delicious bowl of Chocolate, Cocunut milk ice-cream. It's my only solace in these times.

Big Things Come in Small Packages

In the seldom spare moments I have outside of work and school, I find myself wasting inordinate amounts of time surfing the Internet focused on one thing that adds no value to my work or my school. For example, last week, I found myself searching for a dress I'd seen in a hipster boutique in Austin called (shameless plug for friend's store) Spartan/Bows & Arrows. It was a cream colored wool shift dress with a light blue French toile design throughout that was far beyond my budget. I probably spent 2 hours on my computer searching for it on some discount site to no avail. I've attributed that time to my inability to grasp Acid/Base reactions.

But, recently, my web surfing produced some gems that I would love to share.

The first is a document that may have already reached your Inbox called the Subprime Primer. Through stick figures and easy to read and understand content, I now get what the hell has been going on with our economy.

The second gem is discovering George Saunders. I feel ignorant and totally unfit to say I received my masters in Journalism from UNC Chapel Hill as I admit that I have just discovered Saunders. I bet all the "real" writers, sipping coffee on their chaise trying to meet their editor's deadline have known Saunders for years. I bet they also wear berets.

Nonetheless, Saunders is a genius. At least by my standards, which might mean diddly-squat to the average hob-nob. Here is a funny piece he recently published in The New Yorker.

Saunders also writes for the UK's Guardian. His column is called American Psyche.

What my two discoveries have in common is that they take highly complex topics and dummy them down to a couple of pages that any one with a few synapses could understand, or at least laugh at.

So even though my aimless surfing on the Internet keeps me that much farther away from memorizing Kinematics formulas, it keeps things real all the same.

Goodbye Sleep.

I ain't gonna sugar coat this. School/Work is hard. Especially when the school part is Organic Chemistry and Physics. I am doing my best to keep my head above water, but I now understand the expression, "drinking from a fire hose."

I like it and all - don't get me wrong. But, I think the reality of how hard this journey will be at times is hitting me square in the sleep zone. I went from a leisurely bed-time of 10:30 p.m. to a typical, post studying, anxiety ridden bed-time of midnight. I'll turn around and wake up at 6:30 or 7 am and do it all over again.

This is going to take time to turn right side up. Because the journey will come in waves. This first semester is particularly hard because my brain hasn't thought like a student in eight years.

The matters of the economy are also weighing on my mind and led me today to search Physician Assistant programs again with sub-specialties like surgery. PA would mean half the school and half the debt, and PAs do have a lot of autonomy.

I guess you could say my mind is a bit topsy turvy right now. I tend to do too much research on anything and everything in my life. A trait I picked up from my dad at an early age when he requested I research dog breeds before we got one. Then, it was, "look at Consumer's Report and do some research on cars," when I bought my first car.

I've researched everything from mountain bikes to razors. And, you could say I know a breadth of knowledge about the differences between Med school and PA programs, doctors and nurses, salaries by locale and school tuitions, MCAT scores and specialty focuses across all 50 states. It's very hard to know what is the right decision. Part of me wants to go big and another part of me says to be practical and do what is affordable, doable without compromising the desire to help people.

How do you ever know if you made the right choice? ...particularly when you feel sleep deprived.

While I Was in Class

The U.S. (and subsequently, much of the world) economy is tanking.

De-regulation has taken on new heights. Some are saying, "Vegas is more regulated than our investment banking industry in America."

I grew up in a small suburb outside New York City during the Bull and the Bear market years. Black Monday (the first time) happened one morning while I was in Mr. Cox's 8th grade history class. I clearly remember so much about that morning. I was wearing a white turtleneck from LL Bean, a black wool sweater from Benetton , jeans, a pair of LL Bean moccasins (or as we called them, 'Bluechers') and I was carrying my navy LL Bean back pack with the silver reflective ribbon across the front. We were all very privileged in that suburb. Many of my friends parents worked on Wall Street, and I remember noticing their long faces and feeling this sense of impending doom sweep the halls of our middle school that entire fall. I think it was hard for some of my friends to see their father or mother let-go from their positions at the banks. Still, their despair was saying no to their spring break in the Caymans or the ski trip to Vail. Their horror was relative.

Our economy bounced back then, and it will bounce back this time.

Still, I am curious to see if all this talk about teaching Americans a lesson about greed will really last. Is this crash going to transform our style of consumption? In my view, this is the same talk we heard in the late 80s, and as soon as the money started flowing back in, it was back to business as usual. Those kids, whose parents opted for second-hand turtlenecks over the LL Bean variety, were back to dressing their children in name-brands. Families were once again jetting off to Florida and Park Slope. A sort of economic amnesia settled over the community for years to come.

Money has a strange power over all of us. Some just want enough to pay the bills and others just want enough to buy two homes. But, is it really ever "enough?"

School Update

I'm now in week three of school, and it's going okay. Organic Chemistry is going much better this time around, and I really enjoy my professor's teaching style. I also just learned that the book I am using was written by a Chemistry professor at UT, which is very impressive.

Physics....eh. It's really, really, extraordinarily hard to take a class online, I am learning. I now have a tutor in both my classes, but trying to keep up with Physics, while mostly teaching myself, is pretty strange. There will be a drop/add date, and when I come to it, I will make a decision on whether it's wise of me to keep going at this without a teacher.

I had a dream last night of myself in my first days at med school, wearing a white coat, and being surrounded by other women and men more my age who were also starting out as "non-traditional" students. We were waiting to get into our gross anatomy class, and we were all so excited.

Here's hoping that dream comes true.

What Do You Have to Hide?

My credit report is attached to practically everything about me. Cars, gym memberships, my ability to rent or buy, my car insurance...and for some, future employers can consider your credit report before they hire you for a job.

So, how is it that some of our presidential candidates have hidden their tax returns from the public view, while average Americans must prove their fiscal high standards to even join Blockbuster video?

Here is how the tax return playing field looks for our presidential and vice presidential hopefuls:

• Obama: Released 6 years of tax returns last winter during his campaign
• McCain: After much prodding by the press, released his one year (2006-2007) returns after he filed in April 2008
• Biden: Just released his returns this August
• Palin: Crickets
  

The Wall Street Journal reports yesterday that Senator Joe Biden has released the last 10 years of his tax returns to show very little surprises. The Obama-Biden camp is hoping that Sarah Palin and the McCain family (specifically millionaire heiress Cindy McCain) do the same.

Biden's returns look like this:

• Joint income for Joe and Jill hovered between $215,000 and $320,000, and tax rates between 16% and 20% of their income.
  
• They claim very little investment income
• Their largest deduction was for the mortgage interest on their Wilmington, DE home which totaled $38,000 in 2007.

McCain's returns:

• 33% taxed income on $215,304 salary in 2006 (congressional salary and US Navy pension combined)
  
• Donated his book royalties to charities

McCain's tax returns look clean and average. But, it is his wife Cindy, benefactor of a beer distributing company, who files separately, who affords the McCain's their lifestyle. Now, that said, their was a famous almost-first-lady, Teresa Heinz-Kerry, who also filed separately, and who also wiggled her way around disclosing her full earnings and filings. So fair as square, Republicans and Democrats can both make beaucoup dollars and try to hide behind the curtain of elitism, even after they run out on stage half naked.

But, where is Palin? Why has she not disclosed her tax returns? And, perhaps, after Biden's olive branch to release his, she and Todd will also be an "open book," a term she used with Charlie Gibson this week like it was going out of style. Have no doubts, Sarah Palin is bringing "open book" back with a vengeance. And this time, she's not wearing lipstick.

What it boils down to for me, and what most Americans should be wondering themselves, is why is disclosing your tax returns an option when you are running for the highest office in the country? This should be a requirement. Your credit report, your tax returns for the last decade and any ties you have to lobbyists should be uncovered on day one of your candidacy as if you were being scanned at the airport.

I am skeptical of what Palin's returns will show. Reports already point to her claim for $43,000 in travel expenses for her family members who accompanied her on official trips and billed tax payers $17,000 in her per-diem travel fees for herself, although it's also substantiated that she spent much of that time in her home in Wasila.

There's something fishy going on, and it's called, Faked Alaska.

My First Week of Class

I'm back in school this week at UTexas Extension in Austin. It's night school, but the classes are the same. So, while I maintain my full-time job at a well known computer company, I study organic chemistry and physics. Ain't nuttin' but a thang!

It's actually pretty hard starting out. My focus is constantly switching from one extreme to the next. I want to be at work when I'm studying and I want to be studying when I am at work. Hopefully, this is just a typical transition phase and I'll be better trained to compartmentalize my day in the coming weeks.

The material is pretty neat. But, then again, we've all concluded that I am kind of a nerd. We talk about hybridized orbitals and resonance structures in orgo, and physics has me learning things like significant digits and uncertainty. Who knew that when you add up numbers the actual result could be in question by + or - a point! I begin to question the validity of science when the learnings get overly esoteric. But, then again, that's just science.

I found it interesting in my Physics book today that science was described as a "creative pursuit." Most of us wouldn't pick that adjective. But, when you think about the great scientists over the centuries: Galileo, Newton, Einstein; they all thought outside of the box, imaginatively and creatively to even begin playing around with numbers and standards to prove their theories.

Yep, I'm a nerd.

What really cinches it, though? I bought one of those large, rain shower heads to replace the one I had been using for the last 2 and half years - you know, the kind you have to dance around the shower to get a drop or two. I thought maybe there was no water pressure in my house, period. But, after installing my new, fancy, European-looking shower head...Voila! It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I tested it once after I installed it, and then I just turned it on again for kicks before bed to just watch the water flow. Flow, baby! Flow!

Wow! I need to get out of the house tomorrow night. Call the cops if I start posting about some new lint removal contraption or the installation of a craft-matic adjustable bed.

McCain's Health Plan: More Different Than I Thought

A couple of weeks ago, I posted the differences/similarities between Obama and McCain's plans for health care in America. The two approaches seemed very similar based on what I read on their respective web sites.

However, today, as a part of Good Morning America's series "Meet the Jones's" the reality of how McCain's plan would effect a typical American family whose daughter was diagnosed with ADHD became clear, and all at once - mucky.

According to McCain's chief health care strategist, Americans would be free to choose their own health care plans with the aid of a $5000 stipend, BUT would not be obligated or guaranteed health care. "John McCain wants you in charge." Getting the best health care at the best price will be up to the family or individual to research and negotiate what's good for them. In an ideal world, this approach seems to embrace the free market principles of our country.

But, who realistically has time to research and savvy to negotiate with insurance companies better, fairer priced health care?

We all know that health insurance companies are managed by suits with business degrees, who may be good people, but who focus on trend lines and the bottom line more often than "The Jones's" personal health care struggles. As the system operates currently, when you are offered health care through your employer, they negotiate the best rate - and although, STILL not a perfect system, it's definitely more organized with less opportunity for corruption.

Who do you think the health insurance companies would screw more - the top manager at a large firm who calls in on behalf of 50 employees for better rates, OR Mr. and Mrs. Jones who call in from their home phone to discuss their struggle to pay for their child's ADD medication? It's much easier to bilk money from an individual who hasn't been trained in negotiation or schooled in the various choices for health insurance.

Furthermore, even though McCain's laissez-fair health care plan would allow Americans to purchase their own benefits with this $5,000 stipend, this stipend would be taxed, and may not come close to covering the health care costs of the typical American household which reach upwards of $15,000 annually. And that's an average for the family with just basic check-ups. Would hate to imagine what the bill is for a family whose child has leukemia.

Lastly, I think the most disturbing aspect of the McCain plan is it's overall tone, as stated by McCain's health care policy wonk who spoke on GMA this morning. The motto is: It's the best we can do; it's better than what we have now; we just don't have the funds to cover a plan that would guarantee health care for all Americans; we need to be realistic.

Is that the attitude of a country who sent a man to the moon? And, is that the philosophy of a P.O.W. presidential candidate who prides himself - deservedly so - on his ability to fight for the best for the U.S.?

I'll leave you with this. McCain's team states that covering all Americans with health care comparable to what congressman receive would cost $350 billion dollars.

In 2007, the United States spent $965 billion on the military.

San Francisco

Sorry for the vacation from the blog, but I was in San Fran with no laptop. It was very 1995.

Everything about the trip was so refreshing. Seeing my family, going on long hikes through the beautiful Presidio and checking out the Marin County Farmer's Market. Here is a picture from the afternoon we spent flying a kite at Chrissy Field in the Presidio.

There were tons of wind surfers and kite surfers and the fog held off on this particular day to give way to blue skies and sailboats.

How have I not lived in San Francisco yet?