Goodbye Sleep.

I ain't gonna sugar coat this. School/Work is hard. Especially when the school part is Organic Chemistry and Physics. I am doing my best to keep my head above water, but I now understand the expression, "drinking from a fire hose."

I like it and all - don't get me wrong. But, I think the reality of how hard this journey will be at times is hitting me square in the sleep zone. I went from a leisurely bed-time of 10:30 p.m. to a typical, post studying, anxiety ridden bed-time of midnight. I'll turn around and wake up at 6:30 or 7 am and do it all over again.

This is going to take time to turn right side up. Because the journey will come in waves. This first semester is particularly hard because my brain hasn't thought like a student in eight years.

The matters of the economy are also weighing on my mind and led me today to search Physician Assistant programs again with sub-specialties like surgery. PA would mean half the school and half the debt, and PAs do have a lot of autonomy.

I guess you could say my mind is a bit topsy turvy right now. I tend to do too much research on anything and everything in my life. A trait I picked up from my dad at an early age when he requested I research dog breeds before we got one. Then, it was, "look at Consumer's Report and do some research on cars," when I bought my first car.

I've researched everything from mountain bikes to razors. And, you could say I know a breadth of knowledge about the differences between Med school and PA programs, doctors and nurses, salaries by locale and school tuitions, MCAT scores and specialty focuses across all 50 states. It's very hard to know what is the right decision. Part of me wants to go big and another part of me says to be practical and do what is affordable, doable without compromising the desire to help people.

How do you ever know if you made the right choice? ...particularly when you feel sleep deprived.