I Called Do Over!

This has been a big week. Three major things happened. Barack Obama was elected President Elect of the United States, I decided to pursue Physician Assistant instead of MD and I chopped my hair off.

Wait...rewind! Yes, I have made a final, final, no turning back decision. I am pursuing being a Physician Assistant instead of a MD. The truth is, it's not really because of the work load. It's more because my personality identifies more so with PAs than MDs. My main goal is to do patient care. Not to fulfill some ego trip of being called Doctor. Yes, it has a nice ring to it, but I just want to help people, and the sooner I can do that the better. There are more options today than even 20 years ago on what you can do in health care to make a major difference. And, personally, I am a woman and I want children. It's doable as a MD, but there is far more work involved. Not that I didn't know all of this before. I knew it well. But, visiting a couple of medical schools with PA programs last week taught me some valuable lessons. And, I walked away saying, "I will always wonder 'what if?'" The grass is always greener and you can have regrets until the cows come home and milk the chickens. But, in the end, all we want to be is happy and in love. We don't need glory or validation. We just need to add our touch to leaving the world a better place.

And....then I cut all of my hair off. Actually, I hadn't planned on such a major change, but change happened regardless. Kind of like life, no?

I wouldn't change the story of my life so far for anything. But, there are times I do not look back on happily. I do have regrets. I don't dwell on them now, but they do exist. I hopefully will learn from them.

My dad used to say, "no regrets, no excuses." I think it's an admirable motto to live by, albeit, sometimes unrealistic. The idea of the statement is that if you make no excuses for yourself, you will have no regrets. In essence, it's truth. But, in the messy human world, it's something to which you can aspire.

I still have a hard road ahead, but I am truly happy with my decision, and I actually feel a little lighter because of it. I don't have a regret, and I don't foresee a regret. For the first time, in many months, even years, I feel informed and decisive. I am going to be a PA, and a great PA at that. And, I just don't care what anyone else might think of that.

So there.