Just a Volunteer

I am a volunteer in a hospital Emergency Room. I didn't even choose this post because, quite frankly, I didn't think they let low-level peon humans, such as myself, close to an ER. But, the volunteer coordinator who knew my desire to go into medicine set me up for the ER, and I couldn't thank her enough.

My ER day is typically 4 hours long once-a-week. But, I am so eager to do and see more that I am considering going on random nights - Wednesday or even Saturdays (when lots of interesting cases come through the doors.)

On my very first day of volunteering, within 5 minutes I was sent to Room 18 to sit with a 16-year-old girl who tried to kill herself a few hours earlier by slitting her wrists. She was absolutely one of the most beautiful teenagers I had ever seen. There was both a joy and sadness to her face. It looked like she was saying, "I don't really want to die, but I am just so sad and don't know how to fix it." With her wrists bandaged, she sat in the bed while I told her about my plans for medicine. Clearly, I wasn't going to start any conversation by asking her how her day was going.

I made her smile and laugh. She even told me about her plans to become a midwife one day, and I encouraged her to pursue that because it's a special career and there are never enough midwives to go around. How strange, it occurred to me, that she was willing to take her own life, when her dream was to help bring life into the world.

Meanwhile, in Room 19 next door, a 12-day-old baby with a congenital defect presented with respiratory failure and the doctors had to bag the little infant to resuscitate. I looked on as the doctors were in the room performing a miracle - as I see it. The little baby lying naked on an adult sized gurney with the smallest ambu bag they make and tubes and wires coming out from all ends. They were able to stabilize the baby, but I know for a fact, having been to the hospital a few days afterward, the infant was still in the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit) because I saw the parents walking the floors.

I've seen a small boy getting his leg splinted for a cast after a bed fell on him. I've seen the star flight (helicopter EMS) land and wheel in a 7-year-old daredevil who fell off on ATV. I'm seeing a lot and I only want to get more involved.

But, there I remain, in my dorky volunteer shirt. The absolute bottom rung of medicine. Do these doctors and nurses who give me orders know how much I want to be in their shoes? Do they know what a great doctor I will be one day? I've tried to tell them, but they seem to be a bit pre-occupied with their awesome jobs.