The Nurse/Doctor Tete a Tete

Every Sunday in the ER, I bring my MCAT prep book to study. This book measures about 5 inches thick and weighs about 4 lbs. Even though I don't need to take the MCAT for another 16 months or so, I am not a test taker. Me stupid, me suck at standardized tests. So, I am determined to do well this time. Determined to prove myself wrong about those damn multiple choice tests.

Bringing the MCAT book to my volunteer job, however, elicits some very interesting reactions from the nursing staff. They pretty much give me the side angle glance. You know the one. The one where the person looks at you with a raised eyebrow and a feline smirk.

"So, why do you want to be a doctor?" asks the quick-look nurse.

"Ah, it's just something I've thought about for quite a while now, and I think I am just crazy enough to take the plunge...finally."

"Oh, you're young, you can do it," she says. However, the tone of her statement is one of - good luck, honey chile...cause it's a long ass road of stress ahead, and at the end you get to become an asshole.

Only one of the nurses said to me, "I wish I had done it. It would have only been a couple more years of school. But, I'm glad I have time with my kids and a pretty flexible schedule."

Ugh - the family thing rears it's ugly head again.

Yes, I want a family. In fact, I've wanted five children since I was about 12 years old. Yes, I want to spend time with them and see their soccer games and their football practice and attend their musicals. Yes, I want a husband I can fool around with and enjoy laughs and good times.

How is this possible if I go to med school, you ask? I really don't know how to answer that then, it just is. Why wouldn't it be possible? Only doubters live lives of impossibility. My perspective is that there is no other way to be but exuberant and optimistic. It may not happen soon, or for a while. It certainly hasn't happened yet - and I've been down the road of love and relationships enough now to know that there is not silver bullet or magic answer as to how and when it will happen. Not everyone gets to have a family at the same time in life. I'm just the one who gets to do it later.

Thankfully, I tend to look slightly younger than my age. Now, if I could just keep my grey hairs covered up.

So, to conclude. Nurses at the hospital don't befriend me. They tolerate me, so far. They are very curious as to why I want to be a MD. I can't tell if they are jealous or jaded or both. I've seen the MDs they work with and can understand why some nurses become bitter. The MDs are serious, they are cranky and sometimes rude. They don't usually stop to smile or say hi or ask you how your day is going. It's hard to imagine this might be me some day. But, one of the reasons I'd like to shoot for MD is for career flexibility. The truth is - I would like to end up practicing in a smaller community, maybe even do house calls.

In my dream of dreams, I'd be Dr. Macdonald in the country with lots of land, a smoking, funny, intelligent husband and five awesome kids to laugh and play with. Possible as a MD? I think so.